Monday, August 19, 2013

Speak what is true...

Okay, so when last I posted, I had just dropped the bombshell that I started drinking in the summer before high school started.  I know, I know, not much of a bombshell.  After all, that's around the time that a lot of teenagers take their first drink or get drunk for the first time.  I don't think I noticed anything different than anyone else with those first few parties.  I mean, I got drunk, but I didn't think of that as a problem.  After all, that's what most everyone at those parties was doing...getting drunk and making fools of each other.  We were young and invincible and having fun, right?  I remember numerous nights of drunken stupidity, and I even look back at some of those memories with fondness...not because of the drunken shenanigans, but because of the friends I was involved in those shenanigans with.  Nights spent around a campfire, nights spent sleeping on a sunbed in the middle of a basketball court stacked two or three high with fellow teenagers, lol.  Back then, the drinking wasn't a focus, but a distraction from everything going on around me.  Not that I had anything too badly, just that things were different for me in many ways.

I have always been something of an outsider.  Even with friendships that I have had for years, there has always been a feeling of not quite belonging.  Most of that is mental, dealing with my own issues of not knowing my biologic father.  Some of it is an enduring battle with depression, I still fight to this day.  You would think that the many friendships I had would have helped those feelings, but anyone who suffers from depression can tell you that that doesn't truly help.  The only thing which will truly help depression is to treat the depression.  I refused to admit to a problem, though, and the alcohol began to be my treatment.  Slowly but surely, my focus started to change.  Not in a matter of days, but in a matter of years...

I'm going to take a slight step away from the path here to tell a story about my first brush with Christianity, and one of the main reasons that I turned my back on it for so long.  I was a member of a group of kids who hung around at a local church ran youth program.  For the most part, I was unfailing in my attendance there.  I was a little younger than 15 when I started going, and it was when I was 16 that I turned my back on it.  I went to church, I went to youth events.  I believed I was a part of something big.  One night, I had told everyone that I wouldn't be attending the group because a movie was opening which I wanted very much to see with a group of friends.  I ended up being back in town much earlier than I had intended, so I decided to stop in and say hello to the crew.  I walked up the steps with a smile on my face and a spring in my step, and walked back down a little later with a broken heart.  You see, I was wearing a Metallica t shirt.  As I have stated before, I have always had a love affair with that time in my life, I was into Anthrax, Metallica, Megadeth, as well as other bands.  I walked into that building with a love for God and those around me, despite what shirt I was wearing...and was told by a member of the church, a man who represented the church, that my soul was beyond redemption.  Now, I know that it was most likely a joke, but with the problems I already broke me.  I won't blame anyone for my life and the mistakes that I made, but I can say without a doubt that that was a moment which defined almost 20 years of my life. I wanted to tell this story not to complain, not to put down, but to enlighten.  As Christians, we are held to a higher standard by God when it comes to how we treat others.  We are told to love.  Sometimes, as Christians, as well as humans, we need to stop before we open our mouths.  Think before we speak.  And always remember that WE are not the one who shall decide who is deserving of Gods' love...that judgement belongs to a much higher power than any of us can ever hope to be.  Please, remember, everyone is worthy of Gods' love, and it's on us to show a path, not to force, but to lead through love, patience, and understanding.  Love is the binding force...if we use it as it is meant to be used, it is also a powerful tool.  After all, look at what Gods' love for us accomplished!

I've recently discovered a song that has been a focal point for me in the decision to do this blog in this way.  It's by a man named David Crowder, who looks like a hobo, or a redneck, or I don't know what.  He's got a long, scraggly beard, usually wears a truckers' cap, and has a love for God that is out of this world, and that comes across in his playing and his passion.  I leave you today not with my words, but with his:

Here's my heart, Lord
Here's my heart, Lord
Here's my heart, Lord
Speak what is true

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Nothing for months, and now???

So, I've been gone again, lol.  This time around, I think I want to go in a different area.  I want to use this as a forum to try and make a difference.  I want to see if I can reach someone, anyone, and maybe make a difference in their life. On that note, let me get started:

I'm Rick.  I'm 38 years old, though I hardly act more than 12, lol.  I've lead an extremely chaotic life.  I've done things I'm not proud of, made mistakes, made bad decisions, good decisions, you name it.  I'm a proud father of 5.  Devoted husband to a beautiful wife who it only took me two divorces to find (hey, I said I've made mistakes!!!).  A recovering alcoholic who has been sober for almost five years now.  And most importantly, I'm a born-again Christian.  And this is how I'm attempting to make a difference.  You see, maybe if I talk at length about my past, about things I have put myself through, and how I found my way to God, maybe if I put the microscope on that, and how my life has changed since finding Christ, maybe that will be a catalyst for someone else to take a step. At least, that's my hope...At any rate, this should be therapeutic, right?

I started drinking in the summer before I started high school, at a party down the street from my parents' house.  I got so drunk, I don't know how I survived.  I managed to get busted by my mother, who chewed me a new one, yet didn't tell my dad.  I have no clue how much I actually drank that night, but I do know that it was a LOT.  I remember running head first into a light pole, and I remember drinking Scope because my alcohol fuddled brain informed me that it was actually creme de menthe.  And I remember my best friend/step-brothers' mom taking care of me, and telling me later of the comedy of watching me blowing bubbles in my drunkenness.  There's not much more to remember.  Of course, we're talking about something which happened over 25 years ago...Sadly, it would become much worse before it got better.

I have much more to discuss, but the hour is drawing late, and I have been typing for a good while.  I'm not too strong of a typist, so you can imagine how long this little bit has taken me, lol!  I do, however, promise that I will be back before the hump has fallen, and we'll get into this a lot deeper.

Good night, and I shall see you soon!!!

Sunday, February 24, 2013

All's Quiet...

So, I started this blog, and stopped posting on it almost immediately, lol! Things have been hectic around here of late, and unfortunately, I just haven't felt the need or desire to post much of anything.  Hopefully, that is changing, lol!

I've decided that I don't really want to post endlessly about myself, my past, or my family.  Not that I don't love talking about all of those things, most importantly my family, but because I really want this blog to be more meaningful than that.  Besides, let's be honest, most anyone who would actually want to know most of those things are probably already facebook friends with me, being amazed with my non-stop posts know, the ones about the nine trophies I earned on the PlayStation Network today, LMAO!

And so, let me start:

I'm sitting here with my wife watching the Oscars, and I must say, I absolutely love Seth McFarlane.  I have never seen anything he's been involved with that I didn't like.  Okay, well...maybe he could have skipped the new episodes of Beavis and Butthead, but I didn't HATE them.  I'm curious as to who will be offended first, as my wife said, lol.  I'm enjoying watching for the first time in a long time.  In general, I have to say, I've been slightly less than enthusiastic about the Oscars.  I have listened to all of the Oscar talk before, and been mortified by the favorites they had.  Two words, and my wife will agree, I'm sure:  The Wrestler.  Sure, the acting was good, but the ending of the say it was a bad ending would be entirely too kind.  And starting off the awards by not giving one to De Niro or Jones to someone I've never heard of, lol...not off to a good start!!!  Let's hope things get better!!!  Anyway, off to watch, and possibly eat some popcorn.

Good night, all, and God Bless!


Thursday, January 3, 2013

And now, a word from our sponsors...

So, today's post is going to center around one of the many things that I love: music.  I got into music at a young age, and it's one of the few things that I loved as child that I still love today.  OK, you got me, I still love toys...and video games...but that's another story entirely.

I've already mentioned that I'm a musician, but I didn't really go any further than that.  I play a variety of instruments.  I started singing at a very young age, moved on to guitar at around age 9, and played drums for a few years with my last band.  I think I was in fifth grade when I penned my first song lyrics.  Looking back now, they weren't that good.  I expect so much better from myself, lol.  But seriously, words have always been fascinating to me.  God giving me the ability to put them together in a way that makes them meaningful and musical has just made them...well, more meaningful.  The gift He gave me to be able to write music to match those words has brought me so many things.  Some of those things have been great things, and some have been not so great, but the experiences I've lived have shaped me and made me who I am today, so I suppose I'm okay with that.  Truth be told, there are very few things I would change, simply because I believe that changing those things would change ME, and I am very happy with where and who I am.  That's saying something I could not have said five years ago. These days, I spend more time playing for my wife and for myself than for anyone else, but I still love the feeling of playing, and I sometimes miss the stage.  One of these days...for now, I think it's time I sign off.  I'm finding myself getting distracted by other things, so that's my cue, lol.  As I said before, maybe there's no wisdom, but there have assuredly been words!!!

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Now I'm blogging, oh me, oh my...

Well, I've been wanting to do this for quite some while, but have never just said the heck with it and done it, until now.  My wife has a blog (, and I've enjoyed reading it, as well as reading some of the comments she has received from others.  The problem is, I've never decided what I should make a blog about.  I mean, seriously, I have WAAAAAY too many  Finally, tonight, I decided...ehh, it's my blog, but it doesn't have to be about anything in particular.  Maybe I wanna write an entry about how I'm feeling...I can do that.  Maybe I wanna write something about a past experience...I can do that, too.  Maybe this is the way I can reach someone and help another individual who's struggling with some of the demons I have struggled with.  Maybe...but you get the idea. 
I guess the first thing I should do is tell you a little about myself, and so I shall.  I'm a musician.  I'm a father.  I work for a living in a factory.  I make transmissions for riding lawn mowers.  Chances are that if you have a riding lawn mower, you have a transmission that came out of my factory.  We're a big supplier.  I've written lots of things in the past.  Songs...poetry...short letters to my wife.  I'm a veteran of the U.S. Army.  I love animals.  I have a big dog.  His name is Titan.  He's an amazing animal who is almost like a child to me.  He's a St. Bernard, and the reason that I root for the New Orleans Saints...since my wife told me that I MUST start liking football.  Okay, she didn't REALLY tell me that...or did she???  I'm also a lot of other things, but I think that's enough for now, lol!
Anyway, I think that I have posted enough in this, the first installment of whatever this may end up being.  But rest assured, I shall return tomorrow with more words...I don't know that there will be any wisdom in them, but there WILL be words, lol!  Until then, good night and God Bless!!!